RunBuggy posted yesterday about breastfeeding and a mother's guilt. This got me thinking a lot about our initial decision to breastfeed and my thoughts about it now. Sam will be 7 months old on the 28th. I'm still breastfeeding and I am just now finally starting to feel like I'm not a human milking machine.
We chose to give breastfeeding a try for the same reasons I imagine any mom & dad do these days. When we were pregnant we heard nothing but how glorious it is and how good it is for baby and mom. Baby gets immune system benefits and mom's milk is perfectly engineered for baby. Mom loses weight easier (this may be true but I think some residual fat hangs around to protect the milk supply) and lowers her risk of several diseases. They barely mention the fact that when this little one is sucking on you it sometimes feels like they are sucking the life out of you at the same time. The only time I cried tears of sadness after having Sam was when I was worn out from feeding her all of the time.
I think I stuck it out because I felt pressure to do so. I felt that "mommy guilt" pretty severly. I didn't want to let my baby down, my husband down or myself down. In the end I am happy with my choice but I really think I might have been as good if not better off mentally if I would have quit. Ironically, now that I'm reaching 7 months I'm starting to feel the pressure to quit. Not from my hubby, more from my friends and family. I get a lot of people asking me when I am going to stop. This is usually hidden by the facade of casual conversation about her teething and how painful it will be to get bitten.
I don't know how much longer I will do this. I know one year is the max. I'm just going to see how it goes. Now that she is starting to eat solid food the amount of nursing is going down.
I must say when I stop I will be glad to see the pump go into storage. I also hope that I can get back to my previous fitness level. All this milk producing seems to wear you out a bit. Not to mention, I think it makes you crave chocolate and other junk 24/7.
Thanks for the post RunBuggy - I'm glad you have found what works for you. Guilt seems to be built into this parenthood deal. I feel it too. Don't worry about it - as you say a happy mommy is the best gift you can give your baby.
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Thank you--Thank you---Thank you for your post. I must also credit Runbuggy for getting this out in the open. Right now my left breast is really engorged and quite painful. My son, now two months, is starting to feed less often and now goes through the night for about 4-5 hours. This often results in engorgement. I was told by other mothers that this is normal and that I just have to deal with it for the next few days or so. In the back of my mind, I'd like to just quit, but I feel this insane pressure - much like you described. I'd like to breastfeed for a year and then, like you, I'll stop. That's the plan, but while everyone extols the virtues of breastfeeding, no one ever mentions that it hurts sometimes, can lead to painful blisters, blocked ducts and engorgement - hardly romantic notions of breastfeeding. And as you mentioned, it does seem to suck the life out of you. This morning I went on a 5 miler and boy was it hard. I felt so out of shape, out of breath and just...out of it. In a nutshell, I felt wiped. Sometimes I also feel like a human milking machine. However, I do love looking down at my son and I like it especially when he smiles at me while nursing. Still, I respect all mothers' decisions to do what they feel is best for themselves and their family. It is not fair to judge, but sadly, many people do.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! I wasn't sure if I should post my thoughts for all to read, but then I felt I had to. I think breastfeeding is a wonderful thing and so healthy for the baby. I plan to try it again when it's time to have baby #2. But again, if it's stressing me out and not making me happy, I will stop. I truly think some people are competitive when it comes to breastfeeding. And as I mentioned in my post, people were ALWAYS asking me if I was going to breastfeed when I was pregnant - even STRANGERS! It just made no sense to me. When I talk to a pregnant woman I don't ask, "So... are you going to breastfeed?" It's none of anyone's business! Well Beginner Tri, be at peace with your decision. You've already done it for 7 months and your child got so many benefits. You should NEVER feel guilty!
ReplyDeleteOh, reading your post brought me back! I have twins who are 4 now (can't believe it), but the whole do/don't breastfeeding deal is...ugh! I agree with Allison above, be at peace with your decision- You are the mommy & the best person to make the decisions for you lil' one.;-) whatever you do, don't feel guilty!!! (i know it's much easier to write than do)
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